How To Let a Man Be a Man

So the phrase, “Let a man be a man” keeps floating around in posts I see about relationships. And I see it come up in the faux YouTube therapists who think they  have some knowledge to drop.

Growing up in a conservative Christian household I definitely was exposed to the idea that the wife needs to be submissive to husband. My peers often talk about traditional marriage and letting their husbands lead and living a Biblical marriage. I say all this because I want you to know I was steeped in the idea that wife serves her husband as an act of love and divine purpose and everything just goes better when you let a man be a man.

And then about 6 years into my marriage I knew this wasn’t working for me (or my husband) and it took another 6 years for me to realize how I really felt and start acting more authentically in the relationship.

I keep asking myself what the hell does letting a man being a man even mean?

I have so many questions, like why the word, “let”?   Do women have God-endowed power and the only reason men are men is because we are allowing them to be? Like somehow men have an option of being something else and can only be  “man” in the relationship if we let them?

Allow/Let//Somehow women have all the power in the relationship and must give it back to men

????????????

Does a man being a man look the same to every man? Is what each man wants and needs in their relationship with their wife/girlfriend the same for each man?

Do you see where I’m going here? Because the more I think about that phrase the more I get confused.

Have you ever in your whole life, ever anywhere in any kind of literature or blogs or advice columnists ever, ever heard anyone say, “You need to let a woman be a woman” in the relationship? Like, not once have I heard that. Seriously, just for fun Google these two phrases and and see what you get. It just seems so silly when I think about that phrase!

I came up with a new life hacks strategy to help all you women out there who want to improve your relationship with your man. This advice may even help you improve your relationships adults in your life! Bonus!

HOW TO HELP YOUR MAN BE THE BEST HE CAN BE ( how to let a man be a man)

1. Stop picking up after him.
2. Expect him to do his share of the chores because he is an adult and lives there too. He probably won’t do it like you would but stop being anal and just appreciate that you don’t have to do it.
3. Don’t be his mom–as in,  don’t treat him like a child (even if he is acting like one.)
4. Build him up–we all need someone who thinks we are awesome!
5. Encourage his parenting abilities.  Dads are amazing! And so important!
6. Allow him to love you in the way he can love you. If you need something different, communicate that.
7. Set boundaries. Set boundaries. Set boundaries.
8. Stop being mad at the things you are wanting him to do but are not asking him to do. It may (okay, it will) take more than one time asking for it to be heard.
9. Stop expecting him to be your best (girl) friend. That’s not his job. He’s your man and that fills a different but vital role in your life.
10. Accept him for who he is and never stop trying to get to know him better. Be his friend and his lover!

That’s a very short list, but it’s a start!

If you are in a relationship where you are being verbally, emotionally, physically, and/or sexually abused— this advice is not for you! Please seek help for your situation. Verbal, emotional, physical and/or sexual abuse in a relationship is never okay!